Humans are verbal creatures. The words we use matter, whether we are internalising thoughts or communicating with others.
Words affect how we feel and influence how we act and in turn affect how others feel and act, including our dogs.
When we say, “he is a rescue” it can too easily become an excuse for unwanted or inappropriate behaviours. We “saved” him so somehow that absolves us of the responsibility of expecting anything from him. It often suggests that he wouldn’t be able to be successful or change his behaviours because he must have been “abused” or had a hard life.
However, if we say “I adopted him” there is a sense of responsibility and accountability. We have taken him into our lives and family and therefore owe it to him to help him learn to live in our human world (chances are that the reason he was surrendered is because no-one ever bothered to teach him). We are more likely to be committed to giving him the guidance he needs, and the training and outlets that will fulfil him.
When we call our dogs “fur babies” we may be inadvertently consigning them to a life of being spoilt, babied, and overindulged, often leading to anxiety, separation, and aggression issues.
But if we say “my dog” or use his name, that gives more weight to his existence as an individual who deserves the chance to grow up, be responsible, accountable, independent, and fulfilled.
When we label a dog “reactive” it’s often an excuse for unacceptable or embarrassing behaviours, implying that’s just who he is, and nothing can be done about it. It often leads to medicating dogs without the critical element of behaviour modification.
But when we say, “he is triggered by certain things or situations”, we are acknowledging that there are underlying issues that need to be addressed: things we can help with through changing mindset, just like we do in humans who are struggling with emotions, entrenched patterns of behaviour, addiction, or impulse control.
When we say “it’s OK, he’s friendly” as our dog rushes towards another dog, and we really mean that we don’t have effective control of him when he’s off lead, it matters.
When we say “it’s a breed thing”, it can be an excuse for not setting boundaries and limits on inherent traits, and providing appropriate and acceptable outlets for them - and it matters.
When we say “he’s stubborn”, do we really mean he’s inherently stubborn, or are we really avoiding the fact that he may be used to doing things his way and hasn’t been given reason or requirement to listen to us when we want him to?
Of course, many people can say these words and not fall into the traps that potentially come with them. Goodness knows we all have embarrassing aliases for our dogs (tee hee hee) and it doesn’t necessarily mean they are spoilt, but when multibillion dollar industries are built around a term like “fur baby” we know there’s a worrying trend.
We should choose our words carefully and understand what they really mean to us and what impact they might have on our own thinking and actions (or inaction) to make sure we are not unwittingly undermining ourselves and our dogs.
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